School starts tomorrow. What can I do to keep ahead of the game and pass my classes without stressing out too much? Every year I start out with the intention of doing my best in all of my classes and the imagined ability to do just as well in all parts of my life. I think it’s time to face reality. My life is full and it’s not just school. I have four amazing kids, 2 of which are adults. I’m a single mom. I have a part time job. I’m in pharmacy school full time. I’m the last stop for all of the responsibilities of the house, the bills, the kids’ school, the appointments etc. My life is full. I go to church, volunteer with scouts, do in home parties and study. Yup. It’s crazy to think I can be my best in all that surrounds me. Yet for some reason I thought that that was what I was supposed to be and anything less meant that I was a failure. I kind of took it all personal. I’ve been holding myself to an impossible standard that no one can achieve.
So? What could I do differently this school year to live the amazing life I have in front of me? I’m thinking I could start with giving myself a break. Write myself into my own calendar so that I really do take time for myself. I could learn that I don’t need perfection. I could accept things as good enough.
I have measured myself by my grades and at the same time known that grades are only a small indicator of knowledge. I have expected my relationships with my kids to go unharmed, by magic. It doesn’t work that way.
So how do I find the right balance for me? For my family? For school? Work? Church? Scouts? Exercising? What is my reason, my why for what I do? My kids, always my kids; the creatures that God saw me sufficient to grow and to care for, even knowing my imperfections perfectly. He created children in my own womb. I am humbled by the tasks he has given me.
If my why is based on my children then why have I misplaced my measurement on my grades? Grades are an important part of my graduating, for sure, but they are not the only thing required for my living. Life, my life? I am building an amazing life for myself and my kids. If I fail to fill myself up, to rejuvenate myself, then I am merely trying to pour water from a dry cup. I am no use to anyone, especially my kids. I’ve lived so long putting myself last only to find myself completely spent, tired, grouchy, and depressed. I’m learning that taking care of myself is required for taking care of my kids. I’m also learning that I am worth taking care of just because I am, kids or no kids. I am worth it. I deserve to take a break, every single day. I deserve to be treated well and I deserve to be loved. If God sees me fit enough for Him to love then I am definitely worth it.
And so are you. Thanks for reading.