Let me tell you about my daughter. She’s about 27 years old now I think. Her birthday may be coming up soon, I forget. Regardless her age, she’s beautiful, she’s smart, intelligent, and full of life. She got married a few years back and she has a beautiful baby girl and a boy who is about to turn 3. She’s happier than she could ever be in her life right now. Her soul has touched thousands since her conception. She has had friends in grade school, high school and college and she even went on to get a master’s degree. I don’t know what it was in, though. It doesn’t matter because she’s happy. She’s in a good relationship with a great guy. She helps make me the great mom that I am today. I guess she learned a thing or two from me because I can see that she’s also being great with her own kids now.
When she was younger she had a few hobbies going. I think she really enjoyed running, climbing and being outdoors. She does like to be outdoors though, probably because her mother always made her go outside to play. I always send my kids outside to play. She’s pretty well-rounded… I know I’m a decent mom and I know that I have let her make some mistakes but I wouldn’t let her hurt herself too badly because we all learn from our mistakes. She loves staying home with her kids too. I loved that too. I totally wanted to be with my children more than anything in the world. You couldn’t pay me enough money to make me work so that I would miss my children growing up.
My daughter is a huge part of who I am. I loved her the moment I met her. Her soul has marked so many. Many have no idea that she’s even left her mark. Her mark is on me, for this I am tremendously grateful… it is on her siblings, her father, and her grandparents too. Sometimes her mark is a bit hard to see but that doesn’t mean its not there. Her mark has been stamped on dozens, maybe even hundreds of people. Her soul has touched at least that many and more. The very fact that I have the honor of being her mother, even through all of my failures, I thank God for daily. The fact that she has impacted more lives than she will ever know, I wish she could understand.
I would love to show her how her very existence is a blessing. All women, children, all people, should know how very much they mean to those around them All should have the opportunity to realize their own power. As I wait and wonder, I can see her potential. I want only to bless her in a way that allows her voice to be heard. I want to help her become known for the beauty and the gift that she truly is. I want others to see her as I see her. I’m not blinded by love, I know she has her faults… I know that I do as well. But I may be blinded by love after all… because I know that she has good too and that that goodness, that greatness, deserves to blossom. I wish you could meet her, my angel. But you can not, for her life was but a wisp in the wind. Her impact, global. She, and her brother, have continued to live on despite the world’s forces to prevent their growth. Their lives were but a breath of air, their souls eternal. I miss them daily, hourly at times…yet, in their memory I live. I can see their impact, feel their presence. I know that I only see but a tiny spark of who they are, who they could have been…I know, though, another thing… my love for them has never waned and so I want to celebrate them for who they were, who they are, and who they continue to grow to be. They grew inside of me and were taken from me physically, yet their souls joined forces with mine and together our souls have moved mountains. The future holds so much possibility it is hard to imagine. To be understood, and to understand, are gifts that many have no idea how to give.
My children give me life. All of them, some continue to breathe and some don’t but all of their beings are an integral part of who I am. I have been silent for too long. Silence kills. It has been killing me years. It has been preventing me from taking a stand, from helping another. I have been angry and hurt, guilty and withdrawn. These emotions have not empowered me. They have caused me to stop myself. The emotions have ruled for too long. My choice now, to speak. To truly speak what needs speaking and to do what needs doing… this choice is by far one of the most terrifying and most freeing choices I have ever made. Life. I want to breathe life into those who surround me. I want those who know me to truly embrace their goodness, their love, their lives… their power. There is no room for silence any longer. Silence is a disguise, a shadow. Silence prevents people from taking a stand for what they believe in. Silence hides secrets… and secrets kill. Secrets took the lives of my first two children… the secrets of rape, of abuse, of family, of fear… When a mother’s children are dying she screams for all the world to hear. She fights for their lives. She begs for mercy from God, from others… She finds the strength to do things no one ever thought was possible. But if there are secrets… and silence… then there is death. Stop the silence. Scream.