I like to start some of my posts with questions… What is a phoenix? How does this apply to my life? Am I prepared to fly?
A phoenix is a mythical creature reborn from fire. When it dies and all that is left is ashes, it is then reborn bigger, stronger, and more powerful than before.
As I have been going through my life, and especially over these last few years, I have felt as if I was in the fire, being burned alive. I kept reminding myself that “if” I should make it through this fire that I will in fact be stronger than ever before… and then I began to change my language to “when” I get through this fire I will be stronger than ever before… because fire tempers you, it toughens you, it challenges you… or it burns you and turns you into ashes. So which was it going to be? Which will it be? Will I be burned to ashes or tempered into a beautiful masterpiece? Or both… Both? Could I be turned into ashes and then become the masterpiece I am meant to be?
My life has been a whirlwind of fear, anger, and guilt… but my soul has been one for freedom, peace, and adventure. All I ever wanted was a chance to live, truly live. I started my journey to find freedom and peace several years ago without really knowing it. About three years ago I took the step I needed to start the momentum that lead me to where I am today. That step was one directly into the fire. That step burned… yet it didn’t turn me into ash, not yet. That step was one that began to burn away the untruths I had come to believe. It began to burn away my fear, my paralysis, my sluggishness, my chains, my prison walls, my grasp on the pretend, my chaos. It is allowing me to see a future again, teaching me to dream again. It gives me hope.
That fire continues to burn beneath my feet. It consumes me almost completely. I am not the same person as I was three years ago, nor even a month ago. I am burning away my self doubt, my unworthiness, my lies to myself. I am burning away all of the false beliefs that I have been taught, all of the past that is no longer useful. I am burning away my anger, my doubt, my guilt, my hatred. I am still burning these things away so that I can truly live. I am beginning to welcome the fire for its cleansing. The fire is becoming a tool for me to use. With fire I am finally learning to release the chains and to breathe again. I am becoming reborn from the fire, a phoenix.
One day I will become that phoenix and I will fly. I will soar above my troubles, no longer defeated but victorious. Victory over my pain will be mine. I will soar above the sky and I will truly live. Until then I will feed the growing fire in my soul and I will continue to embrace it. I will allow that fire to consume my past. I will allow it to temper me and to turn my doubts and fears into ash. I will be reborn the phoenix and I will live.
Thank you for reading,