July… Where did you go?

This month has FLOWN by! I can hardly believe the year is already more than half over. I’ve spent my spare moments job hunting, but the main things about this month were that I was not home. My daughter added it up to discover that I was only at home for 8 days this July. 8 days. Wow! The rest of this month was spent doing “good” things.

I had signed up with Boy Scouts as a female leader on a coed high adventure in South Florida over a year ago. Two weeks in the keys, with one on a boat, didn’t sound bad at the time. And truly? It was fun. BUT… I was gone from home. I missed my babies. I lost time that could have been used for looking for a job. Sure, it’s good to volunteer, to help others. I love helping with scouts. I wanted to go, I just didn’t know it was going to be only a part of what I did this month.

Prior to leaving for S Florida, my kids decided we should go family camping. I said yes to that as well. I mean, who wouldn’t? Your kids actually want you to spend the weekend with you, and you get to be outside camping? I love spending time with them and I definitely wanted them to know that I love them enough to run away with them. Definitely worth the time! But… That was less than a week before leaving… I was beginning to feel stressed back then and it was only the 3rd!

Then!!! Because I am the one in the family who is unemployed at the moment… (job interview in the morning and another the next day, wish me luck!)… I was the lucky one to be “free” to fly to Nevada in order to meet my brother and drive with him and his things back to NC. Great idea, moving him closer. He’s lived away from the rest of the family for about 18 years now. It’ll be great having him local… I said yes, again. I got back home from S Florida on a Thursday night and then left for Nevada the following Tuesday. I then spent the next three days helping him pack and load his things, and the following three days driving home… I got home yesterday morning at 1 am…

Three wonderful trips, for wonderful reasons, that I would never mind doing if it weren’t for the fact they were all in a single month. What have I learned? 1 – I still have a difficult time saying “no”. 2 – I have definitely improved my self-care to the point that even though I was exceedingly stressed (there were several incredibly difficult circumstances with each of the trips), I was still able to keep a clear mind and a calm tongue for most of it. 3 – I still need to yell once in a while, 4 – I deserve to be taken care of, 5 – I need to keep myself on the list or else I’m not going to make it.  There’s probably more but it was at least a small comfort realizing I could take a breath and redirect my thoughts preventing me from saying terrible things just because I was tired and sore.

I hope your month went well.

thank you for reading,

me

Advertisements

Job Hunting (still…)

The job hunt continues. I’m a pharmacist now, finished my licensure exams. I was hoping I’d find a job right away. Yet, there’s that part of me that longs for some time for peace, time away from the crazy. I need a job. I need to pay bills, to work, to provide for my family.

I’ve been to a couple of interviews already. Had a few no’s, and waiting to hear back from others. What do I want to do? Where do I want to work? Do I want to work in a hospital? With pediatrics? What about with cancer patients? Do I want retail? There are so many choices! But… it ultimately depends on who is hiring.

I live near two different pharmacy schools. This area is saturated already. It seems I may have to drive to get a decent job. I don’t mind, I like the time alone in the car. I use my car as a way to recharge my mind. I listen to inspirational speakers, learn about the way the brain works. I use time in the car to remind me that I am human, to build myself a better way of taking care of myself.

The problem? I want to be with my children. I still have two that are young, but all four still need me some. How will my family adjust to me working full-time? How will we make it work with me gone so long each day? I know many women who work, and I worry about sounding like I’m whining. I don’t mind working, I enjoy it. I dislike leaving my children for so long. Could I somehow take my youngest with me? So many things!

I remind myself to take care of myself. I remind myself to trust that the future will be good. I remind myself that every challenge to date has gone in my favor and this one will as well. I just have to remember to breathe, and it’ll be okay.

thank you for reading,

me

My first book – Conversations With My Therapist

I wrote a book that touches on many of the common issues of women today. It’s not written just for women it’s just that I am one, a woman. I speak on abuse, both emotional and physical, divorce, and abortion. I show the reader my transformation from a timid lost girl to a woman with power. I let the reader experience my feelings and thoughts throughout the process. My goal is to empower others to find their own strength.

I’m new to publishing, and once in awhile I feel a streak of fear run through my system; but, my story is the same as many others’ and the world needs it. The more people who know the secrets and the better others understand, then maybe it can stop. Maybe reading my story will help another escape his or her hell. Maybe.

Please let me know if you’re interested. I’m an open book now.

Thank you for reading,

me

conversations with my therapist

My Book – Conversations with my Therapist – A Path To Freedom

Imagine for yourself what it would be like to be free. Truly free. I allow you to be like a fly on the wall listening to the many conversations I had with my therapist. You get to read my mind as I go through some of the most intimidating, intimate, and private times of my life.

I’ve never written a book before now. It was definitely a daunting task. I believe, though, that all of my time and energy was more than worth it. May you be blessed in your journey.

Below is a link to my book, it’s available through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2/135-8495823-2278467?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Conversations+with+my+therapist

thank you for reading,

My book is finally done!

It’s done! My book is finally finished awaiting publishing. I’ve been writing it for five years, but only knew that I was writing it for a little over one year. That’s what happens when you journal. My journallings have been a consistent way for me to get my thoughts out of my head. With so many things going on, my head was noisy! I could barely hold a single thought longer than a few seconds, my thoughts would race from one event to another and I couldn’t breathe, let alone sleep. Journalling provided my means of escape.

My book? It’s a good book. It still makes me cry, smile, and laugh. It brings back terrible memories yet provides proof of how amazing my life is now. It shows how a person can climb her way out of chaos and create a life that she loves. It provides proof that life is changeable, no matter your age. If I can do it so can you. It shows determination, fear, love, peace, and hate. It is my first written masterpiece and I’m excited that it’ll finally be published.

I will let you know how to purchase it, hopefully within the next week. It’s terrifying letting my secrets out of my closet for millions to read. Yet it is so freeing, knowing that I can be authentically me. No more hiding, no more lies, just me. Thank you for being a sounding board as I struggled to find my way to air. May you, my readers, be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.

thank you for reading,

me

Summer Fun

As a celebration of an end to an era of pharmacy school, graduation and passing of board exams, celebrating a new engagement for my son, and for general fun together as a family… we went camping this past weekend. We decided to camp near Wilson Creek, NC where campsites were first come first serve, land with a fire pit next to a small creek. This was not a problem for most of the group that went. Two of us, my youngest two, had never been primitive camping before. One of these had very little idea as to what to expect. He learned, though.

As the brothers and sisters continued to pick on each other constantly, nerves were worn a little thin once in a while. Food, as always, saves the day when attitudes are poor. We ‘knew’ there’d be plenty of wood around to build a fire and so didn’t bring any along… first mistake. We also ‘knew’ the forecast couldn’t be better… second mistake. Truly, though, we still had fun.

Me with #1 and #2, two of my favorites!

Day 1 – arrival chaos, unpacking, putting up tents, taking over an hour to start a fire from not so dry wood, eventually relying on a pocket rocket to start the fire. Dinner served at approximately 10 pm… Starving kids make for grouchy monsters. Stinging nettle seemed to appear and put boils on a few of the group requiring some Benadryl… thankful I brought a fully functioning first aid kit.

Day 2 – up and breakfast… nope, have to wash the dishes from dinner first. First tub is soapy water, second rinse, third sterilize with a little bleach… then breakfast.

#3 and #4, two more of my favorites. Who needs a swimsuit?

All of us climb into one vehicle, drive up to the river, search for a parking spot, discover a great path down, plant ourselves in a shade on the rocks and wish we put on our swimsuits.

 

No problem, though, two decide swimsuits are unnecessary and are soon immersed in the cool water up to their heads.

Lunch and dry on the rocks, hang out a little longer then back

On the rocks, dressed.

to camp to fix dinner… collect wood along the drive back, start fire very slowly, Mom gets kudos for being a pyromaniac. Dinner served as hobos, corn, and peach cobbler. Satisfied tummies, a good day.

 

Day 3 –

#1 Starts this!

Up and breakfast, dishes done last night. Mom cooks egg-n-bread with bacon, swimsuits on, hike to a water fall,

 

Let’s all do it!

Me too!

head back to the river and find the same spot we had yesterday. Climb down, perfect spot, hop from rock to rock, discover the new fiance is an expert at playing on the rocks in the river.

On the rocks, the pro standing and watching and laughing at the non pros.

Mom settles down on a large rock in the middle of the river as the rest of us take a circuitous path around the river

 

from rock to rock while she entertains the dog… rain, just a little, no worries. They finish their circle around the river

 

and we decide to head back to camp for dinner… gather wood along the way, discover puddles… arrive to camp with two tents not closed and full of water… oops. Lessons are learned, sleeping arrangements are changed, clothes are shared and a fire is attempted… Burn the entire bag of charcoal and it still doesn’t start, finally enough wood dries well enough and Mom starts a fire again, hooray! Tarp hung over a portion of camp just in case. Chili, and s’mores for dinner. All to bed as more rain arrives. Lightening and thunder but no wind where we are makes for a tense couple of hours as we rest in our tents waiting for it to pass… sleep.

Day 4 – Mutiny, we pack up instead of fix breakfast, eat Bojangles on the way home. Arrive home safe and sound. An excellent trip!