A few years ago it took us several months to agree on the custody arrangement for our kids, and several more months to agree on child support… Mostly it took him a long time to bother paying anything. He just kept putting it off. He’d wait for the court to force him. He’d do anything in his power to ignore his subpoenas for information. It was frustrating. Grueling. Annoying. I could barely pay the bills and I often had to choose to let something go unpaid or buy electricity or water for the house. I’d have to choose between paying the mortgage or buying clothes and food for the kids. It sucked. That man did his best to suck the life right out of me and he nearly did.
Now skip forward a few years…
This morning I had to deal with the ex. Honestly,
I don’t know why it still upsets me. (But I don’t give myself credit when I say that.) It still upsets me. He sued me back in October to change the child support payments because I am finally employed (Yay!) I didn’t mind, sure, we can change things around. No problem. But then court was delayed, mostly because of him ever since. Today (Thank God!) we finally were able to get everything done. It’s laughable though! There’s always just one more thing that really doesn’t make sense. He made a proposal that if you added it all up was acceptable, but then added on that “he wants to be able to have overnight guests at the house”… (this means he wants his girlfriend to be able to stay the night when my 11 yo daughter is there.) Ummm… NO. Not going to happen. Sorry. She’s eleven, that’s ELEVEN. If you want to go ahead and get married, no problem. If that wasn’t laughable enough, he’s the one who insisted that provision be in the child custody plan in the first place. He was thinking he was stopping me from bringing in another man. (I don’t have another man, don’t want another man, and am not looking for another man. I don’t want any man.) And now he wants to change it up. Funny how that particular line has come back to bite him instead of me. I’ve already decided I would never bring another man into my house so long as my kids are young. I’m not saying no to dating, nor even having a relationship. I’m saying no to exposing my children to that.
God has made me their mother and I will do my best to be the best example I can for them. Since leaving my husband, I have found friends, fun and an entirely wonderful life. Why would I want to risk that? I used to be lonely when I was with him. I used to hate life, hate going home, hate everything about who I was. That no longer happens. Now I love who I am and who I am becoming.
What’s going on? I have no idea. Sure, I could make up a story or something but it doesn’t really matter to me why he wants to let another person stay overnight with my child there. And yes, when he wanted that added in it explicitly meant a lover. My youngest had said that her father had talked of them moving in this spring, which instantly translated to marrying her. If that’s the case, no worries. Marriage changes the conversation. Until then, though, I will do all that I can to protect my daughter and to raise her as I see best. At least one of her parents cares enough to fight for her.
thank you for reading my rant,