I’m looking forward to what life will be like on the other side of this crazy ass divorce. A time where I have my own career and income. A time where I no longer even have to speak with him… two of the kids are still young so that may be a little while longer.
Once in a while I forget a little. I forget little things like having to defend myself or having to walk on egg shells… sometimes I even think, “Hey! Maybe he’s changed!”… Nope. He went and proved that he hasn’t all over again. “Thank you for the reminder!”
I feel sorry for his new girlfriend. She has no idea what she has in store for her! I almost want to warn her but I’ve learned enough already that wouldn’t help anyway. She has to do her own growing. I’ve done a bunch of growing, that’s for sure!
So what will life be like on the other side? I’m hoping for some peace, some bills paid, some fun traveling, and just general being around great people when I want to be around them. I’m hoping the kids grow up knowing they are loved by me and are worth more than anything else in this world to me. (Apparently not to him…)
What am I not looking forward to? My older two having to go through counseling because their father abandoned them. Sure, they haven’t been particularly forthcoming, but they’re young. Just because you have a spat with your kids doesn’t mean you write them out of your will. Just saying. Just because they don’t worship you like the younger two doesn’t mean you don’t bother with birthday or Christmas presents or whatever…
I used to think he was a good father, despite everything. I know better now. But I do remember when I gave birth to our first child. I remember how he was so ecstatic that he couldn’t even count all of her toes and fingers. I remember how immeasurably happy he seemed to be. How has he forgotten? I don’t think he has forgotten, I think he just never realized they wouldn’t always worship him.
So now, again, I am reminded why I left and why I should never regret it. Today he decided to not have them as beneficiaries to his life insurance nor his investments. I say them, but really? He only wrote out two of his four children. Really? What an ass. I don’t care so much what he has to say to me or about me, but these are my kids (his kids). I don’t get it.
But I must say, thank you for the reminder. And thank you for proving to me, and to others, again, that I made the right decision to leave you. Thank you for providing further confirmation of the type of being you truly are. And, to your new friends and girlfriend, I’m sorry but it’s not my circus anymore. Have fun and enjoy the ride!
thank you for reading,
ps. and thank you for continuing to provide the court required health insurance for all of your children. They’re going to need that counseling after all.