What’s it like to feel? To feel deeply the things in this world? To know that when you speak with someone, that they are hurting? What’s it like to wish you could make a difference, to want only good things for good people, to see good in people who have almost none left? What’s it like to know that good exists in the midst of evil? What’s it like to love like that?
How does a person manage to not be completely taken over by another? How does a person understand? empathize? with another who is having a difficult time? How do you distance yourself? Do you? How do you put limits on your emotions so that you can survive? How?
Feeling is painful but comes so easily. Protecting myself from others is what’s difficult. Simple? Feel. Just feel? But how? And will I still exist if I let those flood gates down? Will I still stand unchanged? No. I will be changed. But will that change be good? Maybe, and that is the risk I take. Loving deeply for others is a gift and a curse. A curse? No. Not if I don’t fight it. Being afraid of feeling is the part that’s a curse. But if I just let myself feel, let myself be, then it is a ride, a journey, not a curse.
I stood there, I saw her pain. I knew her fear. I only wanted to help. I let myself be there. I could not change things, I had no power to do that, but I could be with her. I could be a light on the way, a marker of good things to come. I could not help her physically, but what little I could give emotionally I gave.
And when she was gone, I cried.
My advice? Give, give unconditionally, just do it. The pain is worth it. Be open, just be it. The pain is worth it. Feel, it’s OK. Be changed. Life is worth it. Do not hold yourself back, let yourself be. You are worth it.
thank you for reading,