Updates on Life – New Job Soon

I’ve been doing something constantly for at least five years, when I started back at school. I had to study, study, study. Then I graduated and had to study some more for my board exams. Once those were passed it was time to get serious about finding a job. Always something pulling me forward. Then, all of a sudden, I had a job and no reason to study. I didn’t know what to do with myself. For a day or two I couldn’t even figure out how to get out of bed at a decent hour.

What kind of person am I that I just sit and do nothing all day? I was stuck. And I started to think. I started to realize I could relax and breathe a few minutes here and there. I started to realize the world wasn’t going to explode if I just took a break. It was a weird feeling.

Finally, I looked around, took a shower, got dressed and did something. At first it was a walk with one of the dogs. Then it was working on my garden out front. After awhile I went back inside and cleaned up my mess. I kept thinking, “what do I want my life to look like?” “I finally have the opportunity to create a life I love, what do I want it to be like?” These were hard questions.

I discovered I am actually living a life that I love. I already love my life and the people in it. I already have the things that I need. I’m not going hungry, not homeless, not even slightly bad off. I worked hard to get where I am and now I didn’t know what to do.

What exactly do you do when you don’t actually have to do anything? I read, I called friends, I went out, I went sailing, I lived. I continue to live and cherish each day and moment that I am still breathing. My time with ‘no requirements’ is quickly coming to an end. It was nice but it wasn’t exactly right. Monday I begin working and that will bring new challenges, new things to learn, new people to meet, new places to go. I’m excited and a little bit wary. But I do know one thing. I will continue to love my life for this is my life now, no one else’s. Sure I will report to others once again, but this time on my terms.

Is this what freedom truly is? I can’t wait to find out what I learn next!

thank you for reading,

me

Advertisements

Living MY Life

I woke up early this morning having remembered another dream. I try to write them down before I forget them. I find it interesting how my subconscious works and whenever I get to see a picture of it after a dream I grasp at it in order to learn more about myself. It seems I’ve been on this long trail of discovering who I am since I am no longer being held back by my past… The weirdest thing of all is that when I put my past behind me is that my future became a giant possibility. I literally could become anything or anyone I want to become and it’s weird. I like the word weird… not quite scary, not quite fun… different, weird.

The part of my dream that I was able to capture was like being in a 3D movie as if I was flying a plane off of a cliff and then dipping down and finally leveling off safely ahead. My first impression when I woke up was that I was scared of my future. But I don’t worry about being scared anymore. Fear is healthy, it helps me plan and tests me. Fear is something I follow now so that I can understand me. I’ve discovered that as I follow my fears that I am able to grow and that life on the other side can be amazing.

Last night was the first night I spoke to another person about my intentions of moving, the first time I verbally said that I am going to relocate after I graduate. Up until now I’d say I was thinking about it, not that I actually am going to do it. Words have power. When I said I am moving it became real for me and so fear set in. It’s like jumping off of a cliff and then learning to fly and finally soar.

I’m excited, I’m scared. I’m beginning to create my life as I would have it look and it’s an amazing feeling. Now that I’ve said “I am moving,” I will take action, real action. Whenever I make a final decision followed by action, my results are guaranteed. I sometimes take forever to come to a decision, but once made, things move quickly. And I’m certain things will move quickly now… I graduate in May, pharmacy boards after, and job… I’m less than 6 months from when I plan on moving. Wow! scary… exciting.

Do something scary today, let yourself grow.

thanks for reading,

me