I’ve been doing something constantly for at least five years, when I started back at school. I had to study, study, study. Then I graduated and had to study some more for my board exams. Once those were passed it was time to get serious about finding a job. Always something pulling me forward. Then, all of a sudden, I had a job and no reason to study. I didn’t know what to do with myself. For a day or two I couldn’t even figure out how to get out of bed at a decent hour.
What kind of person am I that I just sit and do nothing all day? I was stuck. And I started to think. I started to realize I could relax and breathe a few minutes here and there. I started to realize the world wasn’t going to explode if I just took a break. It was a weird feeling.
Finally, I looked around, took a shower, got dressed and did something. At first it was a walk with one of the dogs. Then it was working on my garden out front. After awhile I went back inside and cleaned up my mess. I kept thinking, “what do I want my life to look like?” “I finally have the opportunity to create a life I love, what do I want it to be like?” These were hard questions.
I discovered I am actually living a life that I love. I already love my life and the people in it. I already have the things that I need. I’m not going hungry, not homeless, not even slightly bad off. I worked hard to get where I am and now I didn’t know what to do.
What exactly do you do when you don’t actually have to do anything? I read, I called friends, I went out, I went sailing, I lived. I continue to live and cherish each day and moment that I am still breathing. My time with ‘no requirements’ is quickly coming to an end. It was nice but it wasn’t exactly right. Monday I begin working and that will bring new challenges, new things to learn, new people to meet, new places to go. I’m excited and a little bit wary. But I do know one thing. I will continue to love my life for this is my life now, no one else’s. Sure I will report to others once again, but this time on my terms.
Is this what freedom truly is? I can’t wait to find out what I learn next!
thank you for reading,