My first book – Conversations With My Therapist

I wrote a book that touches on many of the common issues of women today. It’s not written just for women it’s just that I am one, a woman. I speak on abuse, both emotional and physical, divorce, and abortion. I show the reader my transformation from a timid lost girl to a woman with power. I let the reader experience my feelings and thoughts throughout the process. My goal is to empower others to find their own strength.

I’m new to publishing, and once in awhile I feel a streak of fear run through my system; but, my story is the same as many others’ and the world needs it. The more people who know the secrets and the better others understand, then maybe it can stop. Maybe reading my story will help another escape his or her hell. Maybe.

Please let me know if you’re interested. I’m an open book now.

Thank you for reading,

me

conversations with my therapist

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My Book – Conversations with my Therapist – A Path To Freedom

Imagine for yourself what it would be like to be free. Truly free. I allow you to be like a fly on the wall listening to the many conversations I had with my therapist. You get to read my mind as I go through some of the most intimidating, intimate, and private times of my life.

I’ve never written a book before now. It was definitely a daunting task. I believe, though, that all of my time and energy was more than worth it. May you be blessed in your journey.

Below is a link to my book, it’s available through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2/135-8495823-2278467?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Conversations+with+my+therapist

thank you for reading,

My book is finally done!

It’s done! My book is finally finished awaiting publishing. I’ve been writing it for five years, but only knew that I was writing it for a little over one year. That’s what happens when you journal. My journallings have been a consistent way for me to get my thoughts out of my head. With so many things going on, my head was noisy! I could barely hold a single thought longer than a few seconds, my thoughts would race from one event to another and I couldn’t breathe, let alone sleep. Journalling provided my means of escape.

My book? It’s a good book. It still makes me cry, smile, and laugh. It brings back terrible memories yet provides proof of how amazing my life is now. It shows how a person can climb her way out of chaos and create a life that she loves. It provides proof that life is changeable, no matter your age. If I can do it so can you. It shows determination, fear, love, peace, and hate. It is my first written masterpiece and I’m excited that it’ll finally be published.

I will let you know how to purchase it, hopefully within the next week. It’s terrifying letting my secrets out of my closet for millions to read. Yet it is so freeing, knowing that I can be authentically me. No more hiding, no more lies, just me. Thank you for being a sounding board as I struggled to find my way to air. May you, my readers, be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.

thank you for reading,

me

Summer Fun

As a celebration of an end to an era of pharmacy school, graduation and passing of board exams, celebrating a new engagement for my son, and for general fun together as a family… we went camping this past weekend. We decided to camp near Wilson Creek, NC where campsites were first come first serve, land with a fire pit next to a small creek. This was not a problem for most of the group that went. Two of us, my youngest two, had never been primitive camping before. One of these had very little idea as to what to expect. He learned, though.

As the brothers and sisters continued to pick on each other constantly, nerves were worn a little thin once in a while. Food, as always, saves the day when attitudes are poor. We ‘knew’ there’d be plenty of wood around to build a fire and so didn’t bring any along… first mistake. We also ‘knew’ the forecast couldn’t be better… second mistake. Truly, though, we still had fun.

Me with #1 and #2, two of my favorites!

Day 1 – arrival chaos, unpacking, putting up tents, taking over an hour to start a fire from not so dry wood, eventually relying on a pocket rocket to start the fire. Dinner served at approximately 10 pm… Starving kids make for grouchy monsters. Stinging nettle seemed to appear and put boils on a few of the group requiring some Benadryl… thankful I brought a fully functioning first aid kit.

Day 2 – up and breakfast… nope, have to wash the dishes from dinner first. First tub is soapy water, second rinse, third sterilize with a little bleach… then breakfast.

#3 and #4, two more of my favorites. Who needs a swimsuit?

All of us climb into one vehicle, drive up to the river, search for a parking spot, discover a great path down, plant ourselves in a shade on the rocks and wish we put on our swimsuits.

 

No problem, though, two decide swimsuits are unnecessary and are soon immersed in the cool water up to their heads.

Lunch and dry on the rocks, hang out a little longer then back

On the rocks, dressed.

to camp to fix dinner… collect wood along the drive back, start fire very slowly, Mom gets kudos for being a pyromaniac. Dinner served as hobos, corn, and peach cobbler. Satisfied tummies, a good day.

 

Day 3 –

#1 Starts this!

Up and breakfast, dishes done last night. Mom cooks egg-n-bread with bacon, swimsuits on, hike to a water fall,

 

Let’s all do it!

Me too!

head back to the river and find the same spot we had yesterday. Climb down, perfect spot, hop from rock to rock, discover the new fiance is an expert at playing on the rocks in the river.

On the rocks, the pro standing and watching and laughing at the non pros.

Mom settles down on a large rock in the middle of the river as the rest of us take a circuitous path around the river

 

from rock to rock while she entertains the dog… rain, just a little, no worries. They finish their circle around the river

 

and we decide to head back to camp for dinner… gather wood along the way, discover puddles… arrive to camp with two tents not closed and full of water… oops. Lessons are learned, sleeping arrangements are changed, clothes are shared and a fire is attempted… Burn the entire bag of charcoal and it still doesn’t start, finally enough wood dries well enough and Mom starts a fire again, hooray! Tarp hung over a portion of camp just in case. Chili, and s’mores for dinner. All to bed as more rain arrives. Lightening and thunder but no wind where we are makes for a tense couple of hours as we rest in our tents waiting for it to pass… sleep.

Day 4 – Mutiny, we pack up instead of fix breakfast, eat Bojangles on the way home. Arrive home safe and sound. An excellent trip!

My how life has changed!

Over the past several years I have struggled to learn more about me and about everything else, but mostly me. I decided to go to back to school where I struggled daily just trying to keep up. I learned how to use my brain again, how to remember things, and how to apply what I’ve learned. Most importantly I learned how to breathe again.

As a child each of us has a natural instinct to try new things, learn everything, touch anything, and test what works and doesn’t work. We are free like the wind and it’s all our parents can do to rein us in so that we don’t get hurt. As children our dreams are huge; president, astronaut, pilot, save the world… As we grow we fight for it and often lose to the mundanity of life. We forget who we really are and who we really want to be.

As a child I never thought I would be a pharmacist, my goal was to save the world. I was going to find the cure for HIV and end that disease forever. I had high hopes and I even worked in that field for a little while. Not once did I think I would become a pharmacist.

The years passed, I had kids, lived a ‘normal’ life and just plodded along. I began to notice that things didn’t make sense anymore. I began to see that there were skeletons hanging everywhere, not just in people’s closets. It became obvious that things were off. Dreams had been squashed, projects unfinished, hopes discarded, and life was almost unbearable.

I decided to make a change. I went back to school. While schooling I still held certain beliefs in my gut. I didn’t believe that I was smart, or that I had any power whatsoever. My belief in me was below that of a snail. I had rather be hurt than let another and so I entered school as a mouse in a trap. I was timid, careful, untrusting, and above all other things scared. I had no idea who I really was or how I was supposed to be or act.

Now? Five years have gone by. Five amazing, event filled years! I have cried, screamed, dreamed, and even thought about killing myself. I continued though. There was always just a little something, a little spark somewhere inside, that wouldn’t let me quit. I would grit my teeth, wipe my eyes, blow my nose, and keep on going. I wanted to quit, I wanted to hide, I wanted to just disappear more times than I can count.

Sometimes I did disappear. Once in a while I would take off for a weekend and come back a little better. What, though, did I learn? I learned: I am smart, I am beautiful, I can do this, I do deserve good things, and I am important. How did I learn all of this? One tiny, awful, step at a time. One bruise, scratch, head ache, sleepless night, at a time. The tiniest of motion forward despite all of the negativity. I just stayed in motion, no matter what.

If I could help you with one thing, by telling you the thing that made the biggest impact? What would it be? Would it be study harder? Sleep less? No. On the contrary, it would be rest. Rest often. Stop, be still, breathe. Smell the flowers and watch the sun set. Life is worth living, take the time to enjoy it. It sums up as one thing, take care of yourself.

The biggest lesson I have learned is to take care of me. I hope that you will join me in life by remembering to take care of you. You deserve it, you are smart, you are beautiful, you are important. It’s true, you are.

thank you for reading,

me

Reminders for a Great Life

Each time I meet with my therapist/friend I go back home and write. This time I thought I’d share some of the things I was reminded of today with you, my reader.

Life is good. Really, it is.

Life is short. Sometimes we forget and think we will live forever. Don’t forget. You never know how many days, hours, minutes or seconds you have left. I have lost many people the last couple of years. I will lose more in the future whether I want to or not.

Quit trying to do everything perfect. Good reminder. We are all made perfect in the beginning, it’s when we forget, that we think we have to do things perfect to make up for it. You (and I) are already perfect, it doesn’t matter what you think. Believe me, we are.

Remember to take care of yourself, or your body will revolt and force you to. A very familiar theme in my life. Once I never considered putting me on the list. Now? Now I still need reminding but I’m improving.

Go home, read, write, play… go outside, breathe. We deserve a break.

Thank you for reading,

me

Perfect Life Picture

Still unemployed, almost done with my board exams, I’m wondering what a picture of the ‘perfect life’ would look like. The¬†picture perfect life? Hmmm… I already love my life but what could make it perfect?

The physical things: a running car that doesn’t need fixing, maybe a sporty one with excellent gas mileage? A house that is clean with plenty of room to play? A yard that is cut? Physical comforts such as air conditioning, heating, and running water? Maybe also have my house fixed up like new, with no holes in the siding and wallpaper that isn’t thirty years old?

The me things: the things that keep me healthy? A slim waist, muscular body? Maybe another six inches taller? Hair that doesn’t gray, and free haircuts? A massage every week? Or, even better, a massage twice a week? The ability to see my dentist, eye doctor, or regular doctor whenever I need to without fear of money or health?

The other things: my kids visiting frequently because they actually want to be near me. My pets groomed, clean, and up to date on all of their health things. My friends and family feeling welcome at all times, knowing they mean the world to me?

There’s so many ‘things’ that a picture perfect life would have, but the only thing that matters is the things that we do not the things that we have. The helping a child learn to swim, or feeding a family who has no funds. Putting ourselves out there so others can learn from our mistakes, not having to repeat them themselves.

I want a picture perfect life, and I think I might already have it. It’s the little things that make the difference isn’t it? A job, though? I’ll need one of those as soon as possible.

thanks for reading,

me