It’s a Tuesday night and so I’m home alone. I’ve gotten used to not having the kids around all of the time. It isn’t always easy, though. I remember that first weekend when I didn’t get to keep them and they had to go to their dad’s. That was awful. My youngest was crying, hysterical, that she didn’t want to go. The other was okay with it but you could tell he didn’t like the way things were turning out. He kept thinking that he could somehow fix things. I think he still feels that way sometimes.
I often plan things now, when I know they won’t be home. Things with friends or out to the movies. Sometimes just staying home. Today I kept busy with school things and bills and planning my future. I even sent out an application for a job. About seven tonight I realized I needed to spend some time relaxing and take care of the me part of me. So I shut my computer and looked up a movie on Netflix.
I chose an older movie. I might have seen it before, but if I did I don’t remember. Life has a way of making things disappear. I pulled up Shawshank Redemption. Yup. What was I thinking? I was afraid to watch it lest I cry, or that it might be extraordinarily violent. I can’t stand violent films. And emotional films? Let’s just say, I will cry for anything. No matter. I sat down with my home-made chicken soup (I made it yesterday because I was scared I was getting the flu… was exposed rather well Monday morning…) So I sat down with my bowl of soup, some buttered toast and a glass of wine. The house was dark, no one home but me. Magnificent.
I sat there, watching the movie, finding a smile on my face or a tear in my eye. Just letting myself be however I might be. Hope? Yes, hope, sums up the entire movie. Never give up hope. Either get busy dying or get busy living. I guess I’ve gotten busy living, lately. I ain’t got time to die yet, there’s just too much left I want to do. From what I’ve heard, dying ain’t so bad once your dead. But, like I said, it’s time to live still and that’s my plan. No matter what you believe, if your heart’s still beating, you’ve got a reason to live.
What did I think of the movie? Definitely one worth watching, and I’m glad I did. I’d watch it again and I don’t say that often. There’s just too much to see and to read to bother repeating myself, but Shawshank Redemption? I’d do it again.
thank you for reading,
me
winkingbees 